In honor of my Canadian friends (many of whom are bloggers), I thought I’d tap out something quick for their Bell Let’s Talk campaign.
I have to admit I’m struggling. I suffer from Complex PTSD, and because of a variety of factors, it’s hard for me to get good therapy. I’ve also had some pretty serious setbacks recently. In one example, I had a conflict with someone popular in my community which has led to me feeling alienated and/or awkward with some close friends. I’ve been trying to fake my way through it, but that’s only making things worse.
My geographically close friends seem to think the situation was less serious than it was or that it’s simply a matter of my mental health issues. Those far away remind me that it’s much more than my mental health. I was silenced and stigmatized. When I expressed feeling that way, I was met with denial and defensiveness, and I was publicly shamed, making the hurt much deeper. Being silent about all that won’t heal this wound, not even with time, especially when I see the person who hurt me publicly celebrated.
I know my own mental health issues make the situation worse, but I also know that my hurt is very real. I want to talk it out, but I’m growing increasingly discouraged that I’m ever going to be fully heard by the people from whom I need that most. And the only way I do feel heard nowadays is through the blogging community or with people far away.
I’m willing to listen. I’m willing to admit to any damage I’ve done. But I can’t do that if people won’t talk to me. Silence only breeds more silence, and silence can be deadly. So let’s talk.