I’ve been trying to come up with something good today, but the bottom line is I’m tired. I’ve been doing too much traveling and taking on too many other things. So I decided to give myself the challenge of coming up with something not all that topical but trying to use as many words that begin with T as I can. Let’s see what I can tap out.
Having stared at this screen for about ten to twelve minutes, I can’t seem to come up with much of anything. So I guess I’ll have to settle for this and get back to watching the original version of “The Taking of Pelham One Two Three“. It stars Walter Matthau, one of all-time favorite actors plus Martin Balsam. He played the jury foreman in one of my top movies, “Twelve Angry Men”.
I’m tempted to count all my T words, but like I said, I’m tremendously tired. So I’ll put that idea on temporary hold. Maybe I’ll take on that task in the morning, around ten or so.
Somehow in all my scatteredness, I caught a reminder of August McLaughlin’s Beauty of a Woman Blogfest. Being a fan of her Girl Boner blog and podcast, I have been wanting to participate but unsure of ideas, my ability, etc. In reality, the real struggle was not all that. I could take the option of writing about beauty in general, but that isn’t what really calls to me.
I’ve had several ideas tumbling around in my head about various sexuality topics for quite some time. I’ve always been scared to publish any of it and, in some cases, even to write it. That has always seemed to me to be the focus of August McLaughlin’s work, though: to help people talk more openly about their sexuality. Since female sexuality is especially stigmatized, she has focused in that area, but I’m going to take her inspiration and give it a try for myself.
So I don’t know exactly what I’m going to do yet, but I’m going to come up with something. I promise it won’t be pornographic, but it might be pretty scary. Deep breath. Off I go to sign up.
When I was in the Army, recovery was mostly a bad word. It certainly wasn’t about rest and recuperation. As a wrecker operator, it meant getting a vehicle back on the road or towing it. In general, it often meant the work that had to be done upon returning from a mission, field exercise, or something similar. It was time spent cleaning weapons, preparing equipment for that next mission, and catching up on whatever was left waiting while we were away.
After a few days on the road, I’m in a similar crappy recovery phase. I’d love to spend a couple days just sleeping and relaxing. Unfortunately, I have much work to do to get myself in order. I missed two days of A to Z blogging, but I have ideas and might catch those up later. I’m definitely behind on dealing with comments and all the social media side of the blogging life. And that doesn’t even touch the correspondence and other personal social stuff I’ve put on the back burner. On top of everything else, part of my mission with this road trip is to help a sick friend. Luckily, that part requires very little from me. It’s the other stuff that has me feeling overwhelmed and wondering if I’ll ever catch up on it all.
In other news, Recovery is also this month’s On the Verge theme. Go check it out. I’m going to get back to work.
I’m traveling again and in the midst of some big, scary life changes. Because of this, I nearly missed the posting of my latest OTV contribution, “I’m an Alcoholic, Always Have Been, Always Will Be”. If you are not a fan of On the Verge, you need to become one right now.
If you write, you need to submit. Shareen and Shawna are fantastic to work with. If they like you, they’ll work with you and even throw you a few bucks. I still can’t believe I’m lucky enough to be a regular contributor amidst the talent they host.
As I mentioned, I’m in the midst of some big, scary life changes. It makes it hard for me to write sometimes. I’m full of anxiety, and a big part of me just wants to hide until all the dust settles. But as I said, Shareen and Shawna are amazing, and they constantly inspire me to do more and better.
I wrestled for a while with what to do for my O post. I’m ashamed to admit On the Verge didn’t come to mind right away, but I’m glad it did. Comments and likes and all kinds of love has been pouring in for my latest, and I doubt I’ll be able to catch up with it for a couple more days. Still, I am immensely grateful for the opportunity I’ve been given there, and I hope you all will check it out.
“Well I left my happy home
To see what I could find out
I left my folk and friends
With the aim to clear my mind out”
-Cat Stevens, “On the Road to Find Out”
“Hey mama, when you leave,
don’t leave a thing behind.
I don’t want nothin’.
I can’t use nothin’.”
-Townes Van Zandt, “Nothin'”
Looking around my house, I see too much stuff. Part of me wishes I had next to nothing. I lived such a nomadic life while I was in the Army. A part of me misses that. I recently spent some time traveling and would love the freedom to be able to do that more often. I’d love to be able to move quickly and easily if the whim struck me, tethered by next to nothing.
I’ve been stressing about many different things lately. How much easier would it be if I had nothing, no responsibilities, no worries? I find myself missing childhood when I had nothing.
I’ve had a lot going on. I’m tired and feeling beat down. I really want to take a vacation where I can do and feel nothing.
I struggle with writing often. I sometimes say I have nothing to write about. That’s not really the case, though. My real problem is I have far too much to write about. I only wish I had nothing.
I suppose I could write an entire blog post about the British band that had a huge hit in America with “Our House” in the early ’80s. I remember it well. I even remember a group of us singing it on the playground in elementary school. Unfortunately, that’s about all I know about the band. So let me instead talk about some of my own recent madness.
Things be crazy. I’ve got all kinds of things shifting around. I’m trying to get on the road to see my lady once again. I’m working on selling this house that I love because the condo association is going to drive me to some serious madness. I’m trying to do an alphabetical blog post every day. I still need to do my states taxes. (I owe them money, so I’m in no hurry.) I’m trying to do all kinds of different things.
Add it all up, and I wonder how I’m managing to pound out some crappy little blog post every day. I’m definitely not keeping up on my reading or any of that social media stuff. I’m not really liking this madness. I think I need an assistant or something.
I love her, but there is definitely a downside to the lady in my life.
First of all, she is pretty fierce about maintaining independence and making sure everyone is aware of it. I offered to fix her a sandwich one day. She made it quite clear that she could fix her own sandwich and that I was not allowed to do so. There will be no making her feel like she can’t take care of herself. Don’t even think about it.
Before we met in person, we made plans for me to visit her and stay at her home. I was quite touched by her trust but wondered how she could be so trusting. I asked her how she knew I wasn’t dangerous. “You better not be a predator, or I’ll kick your ass,” came her reply. I am significantly larger than her, probably outweighing her by at least 100 pounds. Still, there is no question she could kick my ass. She is frighteningly tough. Adding on to that, she also said her dog would bite me. I’m still afraid to touch her.
Her friends are pretty scary too. I never thought I was competing for her affections until a friend of hers threatened to fight me for her. My first meeting with another friend lasted only a matter of minutes and ended with the parting words, “I’m background checking your ass!” The friend most likely to be suspected of threats and intimidation, a very large older man, greeted me with a hug. Somehow this scares me even more. At least with the other ones, I’ve been warned.
Just in case the lady in my life is actually reading this: Your friends are really sweet and clearly care a great deal about you. Not that it was necessary, but that speaks highly of you. So please don’t hurt me or let your dog bite me. I love you.