Excuse me while I work out some scenes outside my head:
She’s been gone six weeks now, and I’m losing my mind. She calls me every day, tells me she misses me. I tell her we’re all doing fine. I hate lying to her, but that’s what she needs to hear.
Maybe when she gets home, I can take off a while and get my own head in order. It was really bad a week ago. I noticed a bottle of wine she has in the fridge. I’d say someone saved my life that night, but it was really just that I hate wine. I was also too tired to go to the liquor store.
Or was I too depressed?
Now that would be ironic. Depression saved my life.
Six weeks. Probably two more to go, maybe more.
Someone save my life tonight. I’m going to shower.
On my second Blogversary, I find myself trying to get myself together. I’ve been through a couple of schedule changes over the past year, one of them quite recent and pretty drastic. My current schedule is by far the best, but change takes time to take hold.
Adding to my stress is being alone in my house with three crazy furballs. My fiance is away at the moment dealing with family business. I can’t wait to have her back even if it’s just to distract these lunatics for a little while.
Right now I want to take a little time for reflection. I’ve focused much of my writing, both published and otherwise, on looking over my life and the lessons I’ve learned.
It seems every day a new scandal arises involving predatory sexual behavior. While I advocate for justice, I wonder if we have set ourselves up with the expectation that destroying everyone who has committed such acts will cure the problem. I fear we will accomplish no such thing.
Growing up I was repeatedly taught to push for things sexually with girls, and this lesson even came from some women I admired. I sometimes made women uncomfortable and did things I regret. Were I not so naturally shy, I fear I would’ve done much worse things than I did. I don’t excuse myself. I am responsible for my actions, but changing the culture that encourages such behavior will take far more than ruining the careers of everyone who has engaged in such misogyny.
So in this next year I hope to do more reflecting and working more and more at being someone better. I have a couple of submissions in the works that may or may not advance that mission. Hopefully, I can also find more work from others that help me with that as well.
So here’s to my new blogging year. “May she be a damn sight better than the old one…”